I've been very critical of myself lately. I think I get in that spiral when I'm feeling overly criticized and start comparing myself to others who seem so much more whatever (fill in the blank) than I.
My general coping strategy is to withdraw into myself. Speak little. I'm working hard this week to remain present in the community. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. But the self-judging continues in the background of my life. ("you're a downer." "you're immature." "you don't deserve..." "of course she is liked better than you. She is... and you aren't... She does all this...")
I hate times like these. It clouds all the good things that are going on in my life in the foreground. For example, our program this past weekend was a huge success! I received over-all good general feed-back about the food presentations I did on Saturday. And the participants all mentioned during the wrap-up session of desires to change the way they've been relating and viewing food and their food choices. And I'm hopeful about the future and future programs!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Evangelical Marketing
First, here's an update...
The cast came off yesterday! yea!
I'm in a walking boot and start P.T. today. oooowwwww!
Disclaimer: If you are fundamental/evangelical, this post is not about you personally. I grew up in a strong fundament/evangelical setting. This post is about me waking up and seeing how empty this form of faith left me, and coming to know God out of any box humans use in order to define, explain (etc.) God. It's about expressions in which I find a god to be biased, judgmental, exclusionary, patriarchal, etc. An expression where I do not experience love and compassion and unity. It's about me shedding old skin and putting on more inclusive, compassionate, non-patriarchal, non-heirarchal expressions of God.
I'm going through a major transition as far as my spiritual life is concerned. There are things about the fundamental/evangelical side of christianity that really bother me.
I asked one of the sisters, "How can you stay a christian with the basic tenets loudly professed by the religious Right?"
She responded, "Who says they are the ones that get to define what christianity is and how it is expressed?"
Good point.
The latest roo-ha-ha by the Christian Right is over the DaVinci Code movie. Did you hear the one about director Ron Howard making the movie in order to subvert christianity?
Pleeeease! My response to that: "I suppose he made the movie because he knew Americans were enthralled with the story and it would bring a nice profit at the box office! I do not think he is a pawn of Satan."
Oh...And here's a bit of interesting information: LITTLETON, Colo. : "Evangelical churches across the nation are launching an aggressive effort to save souls by talking about a fictional murder mystery that many regard as blasphemous. Pastors are setting out doughnuts and sandwiches and inviting non-Christians to come discuss "The Da Vinci Code" bestseller. They're creating hip marketing campaigns to draw nonbelievers to sermons about the thriller. They're even giving away free iPods loaded with their commentary on the novel."
Am I the only one who sees something wrong with using "marketing campaigns" in the name of God and encouraging and supporting American Corporations and spending habits?
These things make me roll my eyes, grimace and sigh all at the same time.
Did you know there's a mega-church in Dallas that advertises one of its ministries as The Bomb Squad? It "consists of teenagers on a mission of warfare against the strongholds of Satan against all youth. The Bomb Squad Mission sends them to Malls and neighborhoods dropping the BOMB of the WORD of GOD to all who will hear and receive. After the bomb is dropped, they are off to the next Mission."
This morning during our Bible (Wisdom) Study.
One of the sisters said: "Since when does God need us to do all this defending?"
Finally, there's a sane thought.
(i.e. as if the DaVinci Code is really somehow a threat to God's existence?)
I wonder sometimes if anyone who is on that "war path" for God has stopped to look outside themselves and see the presence God in all -- especially in the created world. I personally don't find God in haggling over a book and movie and receiving a free iPod.
What do mega-churches and corporations have in common?
Advertising.
OK...this is the end of my rant against the insanity of some sects of christianity. (Yes, my judgment and opinion)
I don't buy into it anymore. Though I admit, I once did!
I moved out of TX, I've aged, my faith is maturing. Fundamental/Evangelicals would say I've strayed. Everyone's entitled their own opinions.
The cast came off yesterday! yea!
I'm in a walking boot and start P.T. today. oooowwwww!
Disclaimer: If you are fundamental/evangelical, this post is not about you personally. I grew up in a strong fundament/evangelical setting. This post is about me waking up and seeing how empty this form of faith left me, and coming to know God out of any box humans use in order to define, explain (etc.) God. It's about expressions in which I find a god to be biased, judgmental, exclusionary, patriarchal, etc. An expression where I do not experience love and compassion and unity. It's about me shedding old skin and putting on more inclusive, compassionate, non-patriarchal, non-heirarchal expressions of God.
I'm going through a major transition as far as my spiritual life is concerned. There are things about the fundamental/evangelical side of christianity that really bother me.
I asked one of the sisters, "How can you stay a christian with the basic tenets loudly professed by the religious Right?"
She responded, "Who says they are the ones that get to define what christianity is and how it is expressed?"
Good point.
The latest roo-ha-ha by the Christian Right is over the DaVinci Code movie. Did you hear the one about director Ron Howard making the movie in order to subvert christianity?
Pleeeease! My response to that: "I suppose he made the movie because he knew Americans were enthralled with the story and it would bring a nice profit at the box office! I do not think he is a pawn of Satan."
Oh...And here's a bit of interesting information: LITTLETON, Colo. : "Evangelical churches across the nation are launching an aggressive effort to save souls by talking about a fictional murder mystery that many regard as blasphemous. Pastors are setting out doughnuts and sandwiches and inviting non-Christians to come discuss "The Da Vinci Code" bestseller. They're creating hip marketing campaigns to draw nonbelievers to sermons about the thriller. They're even giving away free iPods loaded with their commentary on the novel."
Am I the only one who sees something wrong with using "marketing campaigns" in the name of God and encouraging and supporting American Corporations and spending habits?
These things make me roll my eyes, grimace and sigh all at the same time.
Did you know there's a mega-church in Dallas that advertises one of its ministries as The Bomb Squad? It "consists of teenagers on a mission of warfare against the strongholds of Satan against all youth. The Bomb Squad Mission sends them to Malls and neighborhoods dropping the BOMB of the WORD of GOD to all who will hear and receive. After the bomb is dropped, they are off to the next Mission."
This morning during our Bible (Wisdom) Study.
One of the sisters said: "Since when does God need us to do all this defending?"
Finally, there's a sane thought.
(i.e. as if the DaVinci Code is really somehow a threat to God's existence?)
I wonder sometimes if anyone who is on that "war path" for God has stopped to look outside themselves and see the presence God in all -- especially in the created world. I personally don't find God in haggling over a book and movie and receiving a free iPod.
What do mega-churches and corporations have in common?
Advertising.
OK...this is the end of my rant against the insanity of some sects of christianity. (Yes, my judgment and opinion)
I don't buy into it anymore. Though I admit, I once did!
I moved out of TX, I've aged, my faith is maturing. Fundamental/Evangelicals would say I've strayed. Everyone's entitled their own opinions.
Monday, May 08, 2006
When the Body Can No Longer Support Life
There were two deaths of persons either close to the community or close to one of the sisters last week. Two funerals to attend this week, one on Wednesday the other on Thursday. Then to top this off, one of our sisters found out 3 weeks later about the passing of her god-father.
The death of someone close to us, seems to bring into our conscious awareness our own fragile existence and impermanence.
In Dallas I took an apologetics and a pastoral care class under Will Spong (the brother of the former Bp. of Newark, NJ -- Bp. John Shelby Spong)
Will was also a priest. Like Andrew he lived under the shadow of his more famous brother. But he was an amazing man. Will's Bio
I don't remember which class it was, but in one of the two classes Will asked us: "What caused Jesus' death?" Answers flew around the room: "He was a threat to the established order. In a way he caused his own death by the choices he made." "He was setup by the chief priests, the Jews, Pilot and sentenced to crucifixion." "Being crucified."
None of these answers satisfied Will and he pressed us further.
Finally I said, "He died from asphyxiation."
BINGO! That was the answer he was looking for, the specific cause of death.
Asphyxiation was the eventual cause of death for someone hanging on a cross. It's a slow death. When your arms are outstretched and over your head, your lungs are unable to function properly. (If you'd like to try it, see how long you can hold your arms outstretched and slightly above your head. In five minutes or less you'll be agony.) That's why they nailed the feet or put them on a platform. The instinct to live caused the crucified to push up so they could breathe again. Talk about cruel. Sometimes they could live for days until their strength finally gave out and they could no longer push themselves up, and they suffocated.
But I've strayed from my original reason for writing this post. There was something I got from that course that will be with me the rest of my life. It is what finally helped me get over my fears of death (whether my own or someone close to me).
Will told us: "Death is what happens when the body can no longer support life."
It was such a revelation in my life. This was the first time I'd ever heard someone talk about death as something other than "an ending to/of life." Talk about finding comfort in that! When my mother died from cancer later the year, Will's words helped me be with her, and totally present to her, and comfort her through her last week.
Also one of Will's favorite quotes was from the great novelist, Nikos Kazantzakis—his novel Zorba the Greek—
’Life is what you do when you’re waiting to die,’
I make no claims as to what happens to life after that moment. I do not profess to know with certainty. But this I do know...
I'm doing life while waiting to die. And I find comfort in understanding that when death comes it will not be an end of life, it will only be my body no longer able to sustain my life.
The death of someone close to us, seems to bring into our conscious awareness our own fragile existence and impermanence.
In Dallas I took an apologetics and a pastoral care class under Will Spong (the brother of the former Bp. of Newark, NJ -- Bp. John Shelby Spong)
Will was also a priest. Like Andrew he lived under the shadow of his more famous brother. But he was an amazing man. Will's Bio
I don't remember which class it was, but in one of the two classes Will asked us: "What caused Jesus' death?" Answers flew around the room: "He was a threat to the established order. In a way he caused his own death by the choices he made." "He was setup by the chief priests, the Jews, Pilot and sentenced to crucifixion." "Being crucified."
None of these answers satisfied Will and he pressed us further.
Finally I said, "He died from asphyxiation."
BINGO! That was the answer he was looking for, the specific cause of death.
Asphyxiation was the eventual cause of death for someone hanging on a cross. It's a slow death. When your arms are outstretched and over your head, your lungs are unable to function properly. (If you'd like to try it, see how long you can hold your arms outstretched and slightly above your head. In five minutes or less you'll be agony.) That's why they nailed the feet or put them on a platform. The instinct to live caused the crucified to push up so they could breathe again. Talk about cruel. Sometimes they could live for days until their strength finally gave out and they could no longer push themselves up, and they suffocated.
But I've strayed from my original reason for writing this post. There was something I got from that course that will be with me the rest of my life. It is what finally helped me get over my fears of death (whether my own or someone close to me).
Will told us: "Death is what happens when the body can no longer support life."
It was such a revelation in my life. This was the first time I'd ever heard someone talk about death as something other than "an ending to/of life." Talk about finding comfort in that! When my mother died from cancer later the year, Will's words helped me be with her, and totally present to her, and comfort her through her last week.
Also one of Will's favorite quotes was from the great novelist, Nikos Kazantzakis—his novel Zorba the Greek—
’Life is what you do when you’re waiting to die,’
I make no claims as to what happens to life after that moment. I do not profess to know with certainty. But this I do know...
I'm doing life while waiting to die. And I find comfort in understanding that when death comes it will not be an end of life, it will only be my body no longer able to sustain my life.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Judged
I've been judged; and over and again, each day, I am found to be lacking in one way or another.
