I've been very critical of myself lately. I think I get in that spiral when I'm feeling overly criticized and start comparing myself to others who seem so much more whatever (fill in the blank) than I.
My general coping strategy is to withdraw into myself. Speak little. I'm working hard this week to remain present in the community. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. But the self-judging continues in the background of my life. ("you're a downer." "you're immature." "you don't deserve..." "of course she is liked better than you. She is... and you aren't... She does all this...")
I hate times like these. It clouds all the good things that are going on in my life in the foreground. For example, our program this past weekend was a huge success! I received over-all good general feed-back about the food presentations I did on Saturday. And the participants all mentioned during the wrap-up session of desires to change the way they've been relating and viewing food and their food choices. And I'm hopeful about the future and future programs!
About Me
- Sr. Lilli Ana
- (I'll upload a new pic soon.) The habit sort of gives it away, doesn't it? Well, maybe the outside picture but not the inside, and definitely not the whole. Reading my writings I hope you'll learn more about the Deep-Time picture of what makes up "me", for my history began 13.7 billion years ago; and, there is only One "I" out of which we all bring ourselves forth into the intricate web of life we find ourselves in today.
3 comments:
Congratulations on the success of the program, though I'm not in the least surprised!!! :D
I feel your pain regarding the whole inner dialogue thing (big surprise!). My inner voice is always telling me I'm not good enough. But I hang on to the hope of coming to that day when they finally shut the f*** up/or we eventually go deaf! Oh yeah, laughing helps too! OK, hope this tidbit of irreverence has lightened the mood! Love ya!
Congratulations on a job very well done! Those food programs sound wonderful. And don't listen to those voices of criticism. They don't know what they are talking about. It sounds as though they are the voices of depression, liars all! But I know how hard it is to not listen to them. Just keep trying and listen to your fellow sisters. They are wiser than those internal voices at this time. Hang in there!
Thank you for these words, Lilli Ana. I just found you and am so glad I did!
Oh, these voices of the inner critic, the harsh inner judge! I, too, find myself having conversations with these loud talkers within. And it seems no amount of outer success can squelch them.
I am a spiritual director and the founding director of an interspiritual spiritual direction training program for women. This quarter the women are exploring compassion and lovingkindness - primarily through the Buddhist lens. It's been such an interesting journey.
I hope you'll keep writing! I look forward to visiting here often.
Blessings to you,
Trish
Post a Comment